xlieselx (xlieselx) wrote in kaiserchiefsfic,

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Title: Not The Perfect Kiss
Author: Me - Liesel
Pairing: Ricky/Nick
Warnings: Substance Abuse, Language, Slash, Scenes Of A Sexual Nature, Angst. Kind of a dark fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kaiser Chiefs or control their actions. This did not happen. (At least not to my knowledge.)
Summary: Nick takes Ricky out. They kiss. But nothing is ever that simple and soon things go wrong… 
Authors Note: Perhaps it's a mistake posting this, I don't know. I'm not sure whether I like it or not. I'll let you be the judge of that.

Now I think about it, it was always going to happen… It wasn’t something that I could have stopped. Neither of us would anyway… well maybe he might have if he’d known exactly what would happen afterwards.

Rambling. You’re rambling Nick.

That night was the best of my life, well, until it became the end of it. Not in a literal way of course - I’m still very much alive - but in a dramatic, exaggerated way.

I pulled up outside Ricky’s house, the door was open, light spilling out onto the street, voices echoed across to me through the still night air. Ricky finally appeared and waved across the road, I lifted a hand in reply and he bounded towards me with all the grace and energy of a three legged puppy. He fell into the seat next to me, beaming and smelling slightly of whisky. His smile was infectious, I grinned and pulled out onto the road, following a small red Peugeot up the street.

He always was full of energy, even at 3 in the morning or when we’d been cramped up on a tour bus for two weeks. He never complained either, when I was grumbling because the coffee was grainy, he was smiling just because he could. Perhaps it was because he drunk so much whisky, or smoked some strange kind of German cigarettes he picked up in Munich that smelt strangely spicy. But I doubt it; I think it was just his regular exuberant attitude towards life in general, I wish I had that.

Ricky turned the radio up, full blast, I could feel the vibrations in my ears. Then he opened his mouth and sung, as loud as he possibly could, I laughed, we both laughed. He was a good singer though, perhaps not on the level of Freddie Mercury, but certainly good, perhaps even very good.
The song went of, replaced by a woman telling a story about breast surgery. I frowned and switched the station, Ricky almost jumped out of his seat as I Predict a Riot blared out of the stereo. I just groaned and pushed the accelerator further, I liked the feel of power, the speed intoxicating me like alcohol. Ricky always said I had an addiction. I daresay he was right.

Right from being 17 I had a car and drove it fast. To me there wasn’t really any middle speed, it was all or nothing. Simon and Andrew refused to get in a car with me behind the wheel after I almost crashed once. I stress almost. It wasn’t my fault anyway. Some stupid bint in a car too big for her pulled out in front of me…

Rambling. You’re rambling Nick.

I guess I felt it made up for me being like I am… was. I was always the last kid to be picked in PE, the skinny boy with too big hands and too long hair. Not the clever kid on the front row in science class either. The quiet guy in the Art room at lunch, or out with his camera in the holidays. The boy with the drumsticks stuck out of his back pocket on the way home. The kid sat alone eating home made sandwiches while the other kids ate hot pasta and pizzas. Not anymore though. Not since I met Ricky.

We pulled up suddenly at the side of the road and I switched off the engine. Ricky grabbed our coats of the backseat and we both ran up the steps and through the dark double doors.
The hall was pitch black and smelt strange, Ricky was stood close, I could smell those German cigarettes on his breath, mixed with a strong smell of neat whisky.
A door opened and a tall thin girl walked out, her eyes wide and hands shaking. She coughed and blood ran down her chin, she seemed oblivious; a sense of dread began to wash over me. What had we got into?
‘Yeah, I saw… Come on.’ I grabbed his jacket sleeved and pulled him into the darkness.

Thinking back I was so stupid. We could have been hurt, but you don’t think do you? Not when you’ve been promised a night of sex, booze and drugs. That was always my problem, I never think, just rush straight in. Especially when any of the afore mentioned bonus’s were on offer.

The passage lead us to a door, I shoved it open and stepped inside. The room was filled with people, men and women, boys and girls, around the room mattresses were dotted, empty bottles and discarded needles littered the floor. A bottle was pressed into my hand and I took a swig without thinking. Loud music beat my eardrums; UV lights highlighted the white laces in my converse and Ricky’s white shirt.
Ricky tugged on my arm and pulled me over to a group of people laid back all gazing unseeingly into the ceiling. A man nearby had a stack of needles… before I knew what happened I felt a scratch on my arm and a needle sunk deep into my flesh. I felt the drug flood my system, I shuddered and the needle was withdrawn.
Next to me I heard Ricky mumble something and his hand reached out to me, his fingers tangling in my coat sleeve. He clung on, gasping slightly, before leaning against the wall silently. I flopped onto the floor, my legs seemed to have given up for a moment, soon I was upright and walking again. A girl was stood on her own to the right of me, leaning against a pole. She was young and pretty, well my drug addled brain told me so anyway.

I remember her quite well, obviously I wasn’t as affected as a lot of the others who’d taken the drugs. Her name was Helen, she was only about 16, curvy with rich brown hair. It was her first time somewhere like that, I wish I could have said the same for myself.

I walked over to her in a way that I thought looked cool and seductive, she looked at me through heavy lidded eyes, smiling slightly as I brushed her shoulder.
I realised I’d left my drink somewhere, I saw a glass of some blue liquid nearby and grabbed it, emptying the contents down my throat. It burned slightly but I smiled back at her and she leaned closer.
We kissed clumsily, she was short and I was tall, my back ached from leaning down to reach her. Suddenly I had a brain wave, I lifted her up, perching her on a bar behind us, she laughed, in a dreamy, not quite aware of what was happening way.
I fumbled with my belt buckle, she caught on and adjusted her position, we kissed again, hot and difficult, my eyes didn’t seem to want to open. I stopped fighting and let them slide closed as I finally fought my trousers down to my knees. She ran her fingers along me, stroking slowly, teasingly. I breathed in sharply, suddenly closing the distance between our bodies and thrusting into her. She moaned as we fucked, there on the cold wooden bar. She only realised we didn’t use a condom when it was too late, as I came, gasping and groaning inside her.
I stumbled away afterwards, my limbs all working in reverse, my head spinning and my eyes seeing everything in hyper colour.

Poor Helen. I never did see her again. I doubt she became pregnant, at least I hope not, but I did find out that she died a few years ago, almost three years after our meeting at just 19. Drug overdose. So she never stopped then. That could have been me.

I found Ricky again soon after, lying on a mattress in a pool of vomit, most likely his own and moaning slightly. I noticed someone had their head in his lap, bobbing furiously. I watched for a moment with a mild interest. Ricky came, all noise and writhing. The person tried to swallow but gagged, bringing up the frothy contents of their stomach. Still Ricky didn’t seem to notice as he sat up and kissed them sloppily, his vomit and theirs mixing between their faces. They broke apart and I realised it was a man, well a boy. He couldn’t have been over 15. Cum and sick dribbling down his chin, he laughed in just the same way Helen had and I found myself joining him. Ricky laid back, confused and hurting, we ignored him as the boy stood up and came over to me, swaying slightly. Or perhaps that was me.
Soon he was there in front of me… kissing me. I responded at first, until a stale, sweet and sickly taste filled my mouth. I pushed him away, dropping onto my knees as the room seemed to tilt suddenly. He moved off, somewhere else.

It was a horrible mix of vomit, alcohol and salty cum. Well, Friday night cocktail. I still remember the taste sticking to my tongue for days.

I was scared by this time, shaking and sweating. My tongue seemed too big for my mouth, my arms too heavy to lift. I choked on my spit and gasped for air, my lungs didn’t want to expand any more. I panicked and began to breathe faster, gripping a cushion, eyes wide and desperate.
Behind me hands stroked my back, I focused on that, the feel of the soft cotton of my shirt under the hand. My breathing slowed down and I turned to see who it was.
Ricky. His cheeks were flushed and his pupils huge and black. I breathed out slowly, his breath on my face was vile, hot and stale, but I didn’t flinch away.
‘Can we go?’ I whispered.
Ricky nodded, I tried to stand but just fell over. Ricky lifted me up, slipping his hands under my arms. He managed to get me standing and half carried , half dragged me towards the door.
‘Come on Nick, let’s get outside…’ Ricky giggled. I giggled too, we collapsed on the steps, laughing and breathing in the cold night air. As the cold air filled my lungs my head cleared and I could see properly. The street light stopped hurting my eyes and Ricky’s face came into view.
‘Ricky…’ I whispered, like a five year old, hiding in a cupboard.
‘Yeah?’ He giggled in reply.
‘You’ve very pretty…’ He laughed but I sat deadly silent. I pretended to be hurt, maybe I was.
‘Oh, Nick, don’t be upset!...You’re pretty too… like a girl.’ He giggled again, I punched him on the arm.
‘I’m not like a girl!’ I protested, a little too loudly as passers by turned and looked at us strangely

I can’t remember drugs ever effecting me like that before… it was more like being drunk than anything narcotic induced.
‘Yes you are. All pretty and soft.’ As if to prove his point he stroked my cheek, my eyes flickered shut. Just for a moment.
‘I’m not soft!’ Ricky raised his eyebrows, mocking me. I punched him again.
‘Yes you are.’
‘Shut up!’
‘Make me.’
I frowned, ways flashed into my mind, still influenced by my heavy consumption of alcohol and drugs.
Suddenly I kissed him, covering his mouth with my own, his words became muffled moans, I refused to back off, even as his hands pushed on my chest I pinned his head back against the wall kissing him for all I was worth.
When we did break apart he grinned. I grinned back.
‘See, you’re all soft.’ Ricky laughed. I moved my lips towards his once more he grabbed my face and pulled me closer.
‘Not all of me.’ I whispered in his ear, guiding his free hand down my stomach to my groin, the growing hardness there.

I should have stopped him but I was drunk and high. I doubt I would have stopped even if I was sober. I mean, we were bumping noses and clashing teeth, I couldn’t breathe and he tasted of sick and sex. Not the perfect kiss by any means, but it was a kiss and it was with him.

He grasped me through my jeans, I gasped in surprise. He nodded towards a clump of bushes, I nodded and we ran, tripping over each other in our hurry.
When we finally reached the privacy of the shrubs we collapsed together, me on top of him. Kissing and rubbing, moaning together. Ricky pulled at his tie, my fingers fumbled with the knot, desperate to feel flesh on flesh.
As I finally ripped the shirt off Ricky, he bit his lip. I looked at him in confusion, had he changed his mind?
‘No, no, no, no…’ Ricky sat up, shuffling away from me, pulling the rags of his shirt back over his chest.
‘Ricky…what’s wrong?’ My voice was shaking, as were my hands.
‘No, no, no…we can’t, you…’
‘What? Ricky? What about me?’ My voice got higher and higher, I was still hard and desperate for his touch.
‘You don’t fancy me… You can’t.’ I rolled my eyes and sighed.

Thinking back this was probably the paranoia you always here about drug users experiencing. I’ve seen it before and it hurts, especially when your best friends suddenly doesn’t trust you.

‘Ricky, ‘course I do. Stop being daft, come on…’ I moved towards him, touching his face, trying to kiss away his worries.
‘No. No, you’re not gay.’ He backed further away, his eyes shifting quickly, nervously. I stopped advancing on him, he was scared.
‘No, I’m not, but tonight…well. Tonight I am…just for you.’ I smiled sheepishly, Ricky just shook his head and crawled out of the bush. I crawled after him.

This is where it started to go wrong I guess. I think after I said ‘for tonight’ he went of the idea of us; I think he wanted something more, something long-term, even in his drunken state.

I began to cry, hot, wet tears running down my dirt streaked face. When Ricky turned round I saw he was crying too.
We both stopped, just staring at each other across the road. He bit his lip again. I smiled weakly.
‘Please?’ I whispered.
He seemed to be thinking. He nodded. My heart jumped. He said yes.
We both moved towards each other. I reached towards him, waiting for that contact of hand on hands. It never came. There was a thump, I blinked. Ricky laid several meters away, red liquid trickling down his chin. I frowned, what had happened? In the distance car wheels squealed and a horn sounded. I knelt beside Ricky’s body in the middle of the road. His hand felt hard and cold in mine.
I pressed my shaking lips to his; kissing his cold, stiff lips as hard as I could. Wishing life back into him. It wasn’t the perfect kiss, but it was a kiss and it was with him. 

Thank you and please comment. 

P.S Where is everyone? Keep this community alive!
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